Bill Nye the Volturi Guy
by Marie J. Masen
Summary: The Volturi must have a way of amusing themselves in all their free time...even if it is a little strange...


The Volturi

By Marie Masen

Aro entered the brightly lit reception area, nodded an acknowledgment at Gianna, who was dialing a call on the office phone, and passed through the thick stone doorway, through the antechamber, and into the large castle turret.

"Marcus, Caius," he greeted the two other most elite members of the Volturi. Their eyes were a brilliant shade of red; they had just finished their latest meal, a unique collection of tourists from various countries. A little bit of excitement still lingered on Caius's face, but the usual look of boredom had already slipped onto Marcus's face, like a well-worn glove, returning to its owner's hand after being taken off for a wash. Feasting was the only thing that still held its initial excitement and sense of adrenaline, even after all the millennia. That and only one other thing….

"Shall we go?" asked Aro, looking at the other two expectantly.

"Perhaps we should wait for Renata to finish up in the East tower…?" Caius's blood red eyes turned towards the east wall, where he could hear Renata and a few of the other guards finishing their meal.

"Relax, brother. We will be safe enough." Aro gestured eloquently towards the doors, letting Marcus and Caius pass through before exiting himself.

They walked back out through the reception area, purposefully ignoring Gianna, who was talking animatedly into the office phone, her cheeks turning red as she giggled. Aro could easily make out the excited voice on the other end, a human female gossiping with her friend.

"I can't believe _Felix_ actually _winked_ at you!"

"I know! I tried that new shade of blue eye shadow yesterday, you think he noticed? I hope I…" her voice faded as Aro, Marcus, and Caius turned into a smaller hallway, off the main part of the castle. They descended a steep set of stairs, arriving at a damp, dreary tunnel. The three pairs of burgundy eyes lit up noticeably, looking forward to what they were about to see. The passage they were following was of standard size, yet it was dark and cramped compared to the rest of the castle. It sloped downwards gently, leading the Volturi deeper into the ground.

Finally, they arrived at a humble doorway, through which they passed one at a time. The room they entered was large and drafty, yet dark. The only light came from rows of candelabra, the candles sticking out of the walls at even intervals. Between them stood huge bookcases, carved into the stone walls, and full of thousands of thin, plastic CD cases. In the middle of the room, there was a single television, attached to a DVD player and hooked up to a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Aro glided over the nearest bookcase and ceremoniously removed a case from the many that lined the walls. Carefully, he flipped open the case and pulled out a blank DVD, holding it almost reverently.

"Shall we?" His gaze flickered to Caius and Marcus, then returned to the DVD he held delicately in his hand, a smile playing on the corners of his lips. He slid the DVD into the DVD player, turned on the television, and stepped back to join his brothers, a few feet away from the TV screen. They waited a moment, their breathing quickening in anticipation as the DVD loaded. Then the TV burst into color, and a jovial tune burst from the speakers along the walls.

_Bill Nye the science guy! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill Nye the science guy!_

An image of a skinny, inept looking man in oversized round glasses and a white lab coat danced across the TV screen. Aro, Marcus, and Caius's crimson, glazed-over eyes focused on the TV, their lips pulled up openly into three identical smiles, the world around them forgotten.

***

Renata checked the castle turret first before going down to the TV room, although she was sure that's where Aro, Caius, and Marcus were. She made her way past Gianna, who was blabbering excitedly into the telephone. Renata had never seen a human mouth move so fast. She slid down the dank stairway and through the underground passage, taking her time as she neared the TV room. She suppressed a sigh as the all too familiar melody reached her ears. _Bill Nye the science guy! Science rules! _Renata rounded the last curve and found herself looking at Aro, Marcus, and Caius, their mouths hanging open as their hypnotized eyes followed a clueless scientist as he proceeded to blow up his laboratory. She would never understand why the Volturi fund this so amusing. At least this was better than their last form of entertainment. Renata shuddered. _I'd rather die than see another Barney episode, _she thought, as her eyes scanned the complete set of Barney DVD's that rested on the shelves. _And if I hear the Sesame Street theme song one more time…._

The crazy music died down as Bill explained his latest experiment: an attempt to launch himself into Earth's atmosphere. Renata's eyes glided over the full bookshelves. _Teletubbies, Arthur, Clifford the Big Red Dog, the Wiggles…. _She closed her eyes and tried not to think about what Aro had done to get his hands on the final DVD of the Bill Nye series. The idiotic music started up again, and Renata opened her eyes to find Aro, Caius, and Marcus bobbing up and down to the tune that was blaring from the speakers. On the TV screen, Bill was riding a bike around a cage of rhinos as he babbled on about the experiment; trying to find out just how long it would take before the rhinos got too annoyed and trampled him, apparently. Aro, Marcus, and Caius were staring at the TV as if they'd never seen anything this amazing.

_To each his own, I guess. Even if it's the __Volturi._ Renata leaned against the wall out this unique form of torture.


End file.
